Late Night UNDERGROUND

Conan

RACCOON'S INDEED!! THOSE ARE FIGHTING WORDS COMING FROM A TAWNY AMERICAN MARMOT SUCH AS YOURSELF!! You simply are NOT a match for the PEEP's and TopDog's SpaceShip!! SURRENDER AT ONCE!! I DEMAND YOUR UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!! PREPARE TO BE BOARDED!!--and lower you Late Night Shields!! Waterboarding Squirrel's is one thing!!--You are really out of orbit attacking Raccoon's!! GIVE IT UP EARTHY BOY!!

You need to shoot giant marshmallows from a cannon!

OR

give everybody in the audience a tennis ball and everyone throws it at the same time. SOMEONE has to hit it.

use a net gun conan!

i think there is only one solution to your raccoon problem. since la bamba kinda looks like a latino oddjob, you should have him throw hats at it! PROBLEM SOLVED!

fire hose

I would suggest a potato or "spud" gun. It's a little known fact that the potato gun was developed in Idaho to combat an attack of flying Raccoons. This was back in 1908, so these raccoons naturally didn't have rocket packs, but instead flew via a paw-cranked ultralight biplane type device. They were ingenious vermin, very ingenious indeed. Plus potato guns make a ridiculously satisfying sound.

It would be great if you could shoot the raccoon down with sperm. Even if it doesnt fall down I am sure that it will leave because of the sperm.

Cut the string!

hit it with a big stick

hmm.. see... you must get the racoon!

Conan should throw knives at the raccoon. That would be AWESOME!!!!

put a bottle of diet coke under the raccoon and put some mentos in the bottle.

Invite Eli Manning to the show and have him heave footballs at it.

if you can, try to use the relatively inexpensive spider net gun for laughs :)

Two suggestions: A net gun, or Vomiting Kermit in a plane.

Here's how you shoot it down, Conan. You call in a favor to the man whose life you saved, Abraham Lincoln. You hook him up with a zipline, a rocket helmet, rocket boots and Groucho Marx glasses. Send him flying into the air and have him kick the racoon down to the ground.
That's what I did to get a dead gopher off some power lines. Although being Canadian, I had to settle for John Alexander MacDonald instead of Abe Lincoln.

its easy...shoot that sum betch with a po ta to gun.

fire away and that bandit.

CROSSBOW!

launch stephen colbert at the racoon
or that eagle he made

put a bottle of diet coke under the raccoon and put some mentos in the bottle.

Have Dick Cheney come in and take care of him for you...

shoot it with a bow and arrow, or hire a professional

Hey I'm a student at the University of Georgia, and being from the south I understand how pesky a creature raccoons can be. I think you should take him down with a remote controlled airplane, kamikaze style!

what you need is a good ol' fashion potato gun...it just makes sense...raccoon will be automatically attracted to the potato.KABAM!
i have one, conan...and i'll loan it to you if need be.

has been over for a couple weeks now, but is Eli Manning staying in shape? This is a call-out: Eli manning must prove he earned is title as superbowl MVP and hit that raccoon down with a football. how you plan on getting him on the show isn't my problem.

Use a screaming monkey: http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/plush/8f00/

Use your zipline to kick it down

To whom it may concern:

I would like to see Conan zip line down from the back of the audience while wearing a leopard print cape and karate kick the raccoon.

Thank you.

-Dustin

from Virginia Beach, Virginia

Conan should enlist bruce willis and a team of untrained astronauts to fly up to the raccoon and blow it up.

I think it should be shot down with Conan flying in on the zip-line, kicking the racoon in the face.

I think you should have The NYFD blow it ou tof the studio with their fire hoses.

I have two words to solve your orbiting Racoon problem.................................. CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!

Use a harpoon gun! you'll be able to get it down easy! or just use a net launcher!

lower the racoon down a little bit and, blindfold conan, and keep spinning the racoon and it will be like a pinata!

you should use a nerf gun

I think Abe Vigoda should be in a tiny rocket ship with an oversized helmet chasing the racoon and shoot it out of orbit with a nerf gun. If Abe cannot be there get either labomba or joel to do it! Don't worry, this one will be a hit, its going to work. By the way...the zip line has to come back soon!

Get a singing "who" owl to fly up and attack the racoon. Owl doesnt actually have to sing. Trained real owl or late night version owl will work.
Late night with WHO? Owl attacks and defends Conans name.

Bounce basketballs off Max's head at an angle that would send the basketballs into the raccoon, knocking him out of orbit.

I think you should have The NYFD blow it out of the studio with their fire hoses.

I don't know how you could shoot him down, but I think Dick Cheney would know.

How about some one get on a tall ladder and grab the raccoon? Or put a mattress on the floor and throw a pillow at it.

Is it even real? If it is, poor thing!!

Have La Boomba get it down with a trampoline!

Simply ask it to please come down...

If that fails, play Hansen's mmBop until he obeys...

Why not just move closer! Or just get Chuck Norris to kill it with his beard.

two words...

1. giant Slingshot
and
2. piere bernards recliner of rage

http://www.slingking.com/ hehe

Some sort of Rube Goldberg device, ending with a giant boot on a lever.

Throw your shoe at that damn thing

You must try to blast the racoon out of orbit by renting large speakers and blaring "Dont stop believing." Or hire Boston Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield to fire knuckleballs at it. (You might want to get Doug Mirabelli to catch them)

Meat balls and a slingshot.

Two words
CHUCK NORRIS, get Chuck to bring it down. If Chuck can't do it it's hopeless for everyone.

Fight fire with fire. Ride your head/feet rocket-powered zip-line up (down) into the raccoon, slamming it down into the stage and then use good old fashioned Walker Texas Ranger justice and bitch-punch the hell out of it!

Or some variation on the above!

Shoot it down with a paintball gun

Im pretty sure the only option to this historical event is to shoot the raccoon down with none other than OJ simpsons get away cars...and the police cars that chased it ....i feel that his cars belong in space just in case u miss.

I think masturbating bear should take a couple of swings at it like a pinata

use a big old fashioned sling shot and just fill it with whatever like dodgeballs

Use the chuck norris clip generator to produce chuck to go and take it out of orbit

You absolutely have no choice but to use a crossbow to annihilate the screeching raccoon with a jet pack!

Conan,
You should put together a bunch of those stciky gummy hands that you get in vending machines and fling them at the raccoon and try to pull the bad boy down.

Shoot him with a stream of liquid nitrogen and simply shatter him with a hammer

Lauch Labamba's personal possessions at the racoon. His shoes, mustache, some of his clothes, his cofee table whatever

use a boomerang
if not successful,
have a professional knife thrower either a) throw knifes and try to cut string, or, b) teach you how to throw knifes and you try to get it down

Bring Andy in to knock the raccoon down with his Thor Hammer!!!

...or maybe something with a lightning bolt???

use a boomerang!!

Bottle Rockets!!!!!!

Have little kids with blindfolds and baseball bats swing at it like a pinata. But maybe only let one child at a time swing blindfolded..

Have La Boomba get it down with a trampoline!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please. I mean please throw an audience memeber's show at him. Also...it'd be funny if you found the person who had the most disgusting, smelly shoes. Maybe let the audience memeber throw the show themselves!

Conan should zipline into the raccoon!

Get a sleepy blindfolded Mexican to swing at it with a 2x4. Never fails.

The obvoious answer is to invite james lipton to the show to launch a darts out of a funnel it then following that by funneling a beer.

Use a super soaker and fill it up with flammable alcohol.

Then walk 20 feet to the racoon, and light it on fire

Conan,
You can put a pair of moon boots on chewbacca and let him get him down. Or you can scare the racoon down the labomba's great acting sckills.

Have arnold schwarzenegger come on the show and bait the raccoon to burrow into his open mouth then change his low battery terminator power so he can chomp down on it

Supersoaker

Conan you need to get a Nerf bow and arrow to shoot it down I would suggest a real bow and arrow but you would probably hit Max.

Send Governor Schwarzenegger back to Mars, to film the sequel to Total Recall, when on the way he encounters the raccoon. Of course, the Governor has no choice but to launch himself out of the shuttle, into orbit, and catching the Orbiting Screeching Raccoon in his gaping, cavernous, maw of a mouth

Use the zip line to kick the raccoon down.

Have you ever heard of there being raccoons in Australia? I think not! Conan use a BOOMERANG! and then toss it out the window Conando style.

I say you use a t-shirt cannon.

Have LaBamba stand directly under the racoon and hit the highest note he can sing until it's head explodes

invite cheney to shoot it down

a three-man water balloon launcher would exterminate it from orbit

We think Conan should wear a full medieval suit of armor and joust the raccoon down with a lance. Horse is optional but preferable.

unleash the masturbating bear on that pesky critter.

Graveling hook! Yank him outta orbit!
Paintballs would be pretty fun though too.

Have Lawrence Tynes kick "field goals" at him.

Conan, I believe shooting down a raccoon with a jet-pack is nearly impossible. I think the only possible way of getting that raccoon down is by Zip lining down with the helmet and a matching jet pack on your back. A Conan Zip line with a jet pack seems to be the most logical way possible.

Beat it down with the Conan manikin,the one used to crowd surf during the strike when Conan put his desk in the back of the audience,oh and dressing up as Rambo while beating the raccoon down would add to it

Use A potato gun!!!!!!
PVC pipe, grill lighter, and hair spray

That's how we get 'er done here at penn state

In the the great town of Katy, Texas, We use Nerf Guns or Hydo-Soakers To rid ourselves of these weird lookin varmints out of the dag-gum air. Also dress like a biker (Just for pure enjoyment). Manatees Rock

LET EVERYONE IN THE BAND AND THE GUY WHO LOVES THE BAND GET ONE THROW A FOOTBALL FROM BESIDE THE DESK. WINNER GETS TO PLAY A SOLO FOR THE GUY LOVES THE BAND AND IF THE GUY LOVES THE BAND WINS THE WHOLE BAND HAS TO PLAY A LOVE SONG FOR HIM !!!

Shoot it down with a supersoaker

Go Piñata on his raccoon ass!!

You must contact one of the greatest American Hunter of all time so he will come and resolve your pesky little problem. The one and Only, Dick Cheney.

I suggest a paint ball gun or a potato gun something that will do damage to that screeching raccoon....either or SHOW THAT RACCOON WHO'S BOSS CONAN!

Put a pair of moon shoes on chewbacca!

You would obviously need dick cheney to shoot it down with george bush.

shoot giant spit balls at it

As previously mentioned the "Potato Gun" or Spud Gun is you answer. Simple PVC constructon, can be powered by hairspray...and potatoes are cheap!!! Previous posts are correct the raccoon is history!

You need to do like you did with the tennis ball shooter, but replace the tennis balls with potatoes instead. So like Billy sayed it just add the air gun. \,,/ ,(-.-), \,,/

ROCK ON CONAN!!!!!

Spin around 3 times and Throw your shoe at it

I believe shooting a wide range of stuffed animals (i.e. bears, dogs, cats, deer, fish, birds, etc.) with a high pressured air cannon would solve your seemingly unsolvable problem! If it works you should bring me on your show :P

bow and arrow.... water balloons...pies.....maybe a bra sling shot....idk....sounds like it will be fun bringing the raccoon down !!!

A bow and arrow, it's the only way. And if Conan can't do it, get someone who can.

Invite Tom Brady to throw footballs at it. When he knocks it down, award him with a t-shirt reading "Screeching Raccoon Champian... 1-0". Maybe have the patriots logo wearing a raccoon hat.

That should do it!

Get an aboriginal astronaut with radioactive boomerangs to bring it down

Bounce basketballs off Max's head at an angle that hits the raccoon knocking it out of orbit.

Get on your special smoke spewing helmet, rocket boots, and open a can of whoop ass on that 'coon. Git-R-Done!

Conan,
Your Racoon problem is very easy to solve. Get a bunch of kids on stage and tell them that it is a pinata full of lots of candy. When the kids knock that racoon out of orbit you throw the candy into the middle of them. While they are distracted by all that candy you can get nasa to quickly remove the racoon. SWEEEET!

Fire a raccoon devouring animal into orbit on a rocket pack with the raccoon to eat or fight him. (Possibly even Triumph)

PAINT BALL GUN CONAN. THEN THE AUDIENCE AND EVERYONE WATCHING AT HOME WILL KNOW WHEN YOU HIT IT. USE THE BRIGHT COLORED PAINT BALLS AND WHEN THE FLYING RACOON IS HIT, HAVE THE GUY RIGGING THE CABLE HAVE HIM SWING OUT OF CONTROL, WITH AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF SMOKE EMITTING FROM HIS ROCKET, AND THEN CRASH INTO LABAMBA AND THEN MAKE LABAMBA LOOK LIKE WYLE E. COYOTE AFTER THE ACME BOMB BLEW UP!

get lary the cable guy's family to get it down...they will eat it ! !

dam red_Necks

you should have a sheraccoon lure the raccoon down by offering him sexual favors

Give the Conan Launcher a try! See it tomorrow night on Late Night!

Conan use a spud gun, nail that son of a bitch, you fire triumph the comic insult dog out of the cannon there for we can have a little dog on con action.

Conan you need to get a monkey on the show and have it throw poo at the raccoon.

shoot it with a net gun its not a big gun and it covers so much area even conan can hit it

Conan- here are a few ideas.

1. shoot plastic mannequin heads painted as president Bushes face out of a cannon

2. go at it with a bat, blindfolded, dressed as a woman (high heels too!)

3. try to lasso it in while riding a mechanical bull.

any of these would be hilarious to watch!!

bring out the masturbating bear to eat the raccoon, everyone knows bears hate raccoons conan... especially the ones that masturbate

CONAN I got it!!! 1 of two ways to take down that damn raccoon is to get one of those American Gladiator guys to shoot tennis balls or whatever they shoot at it. That will for sure bring it down the American way!! Or if you dare…you could of course bring in Chuck Norris and have him go toe to toe with it either one will solve the problem!!!!!

Conan should call in the big dog, aka Horny Manatee, that should dance with so much intensity that it would make the raccoon explode! (sort of like how Austin Powers made the fembots blow up!) The Horny Manatee can do it!

let the masterbating bear take a stroke at it!

Conan, you should use a nerf gun. You can but 'em cheap and they are fun as anything out there.

shoot it with a supersoaker

take a roman candle to it or throw an "Odd Job" knife hat at it. get a baseball player to shoot up steroids and throw a ball at it. maybe a net gun that would be sweet

I've got it! Simply have Arnold Schwarzenegger stand in front of it until he flies right into his mouth!

a slingshot made from the wood of a druidic sacred oak tree and human skin

Water canon? How about a pellet gun? Or beanbaqs out of something with more fire power?

That's all I've got, good luck.

In the the great town of Katy, Texas, We use Nerf Guns or Hydo-Soakers To rid ourselves of these weird lookin varmints out of the dag-gum air. Also dress like a biker (Just for pure enjoyment). Manatees Rock

Conan, If you travel close to the speed of light, by the laws of relativity, the length of your body will contract, therefore making your surroundings appear larger to you. this should make the raccoon easier to hit as he will appear larger

A potato canon if needed i can call u with relevant info or build u one and u could fly me out but a potato gun would go through the racoon and ur stage too

good luck

what you need to do is to hire a true cajun racoon catcher to hunt that critter down!!!!!
or you can call me (king leonidas) to those my trusty javelines at that coon to bring it down for the safety of all humanity

Hey I think you can take down the raccoon with the screaming slingshot monkey!

http://www.stupid.com/stat/SLNG.html

Peace,

Mark B.

Just hit the raccoon with the "ball gun"! :)

I think conan needs a potato gun! Or maybe teh masturbating bear can take care of teh raccoon

Have the audience throw rice at it to get it down!

American Gladiators Cannon, harpoon gun, or if all else fails, a mini uzi would do the job. Good luck Conan.

[b]Blindfold Conan, and let him swing at it with a flaming barbed wire baseball bat.[/b]

How about you hit it with a bat or... You do a dance and hit it with a kick

C.O.B I like the Eli thing(even though te Pats lost)hve him come in and throw like cabbage of somethin but brotha watcha need to do is throw water balloons, meat maybe lol, or bring in Chuck Norris and have him throw ninja stars or somethin

Paintball Gun with pink fill balls... Definitely a quick and fun way to take him down!

get schwarzenegger to shut his mouth.

I think this is a job for the justice legue or batman and roben or superman atleast he can fly

Bring Preparation H Raymond to sooth it back to earth.

Good old Minnesota Coon beating.

Bat, case of beer and a raccoon.

Throw Frisbees from the stairs in the middle of the audience!

CONAN!

You should shoot the racoon down by Making a Potato Launcher and shoot out keilbasa sauages! yea!

BASE BALL BAT PLUS U ON A LADDER AND START SWINGING

How about throwing the Horny Manatee at the Racoon.

Conan, get a Chuck Norris mask, and stare that Racoon down! It should spontaneously combust out of the fear that you ARE Chuck Norris!

well there are a couple of ways you can do it.

1. Go to home depot and hire some folks, give them bats and tell them its a piñata.

or

2. Build a bottle rocket launcher, modify bottle rockets with pointed tips to stick to the racoon. attached to the shaft of the rocket and m-80 firecrakers that will add to the explosion power

This is obviously a job for a flying squirrel and his assistant moose.

Obviously, the best way to get rid of a Screeching Raccoon with a jetpack is to get a Screeching Coyote with a jetpack.....DUH!!!

i was just watching the show and was thinking POTATO GUN as well. those things are soo sweet and fun to shoot! ahh i cant believe someone beat me to the punch. CONAN BUILD A POTATO GUN!!

Conan!!!! use a paintball gun!!! get that damn racoon!!!

throw toy fox-tails at it.

ok there's obviously only one option of what to do here. you need to do a sort of track and feel test. the pole valt. Yous should run and use the pole to try to take it down by yourself.

considering january and february are the raccoon's mating months, lure the raccoon down with a sexy female raccoon then simply use any close combat weapon I recommend a shillelagh to celebrate conan's heritage.

Airsoft gun (I'd go with the P90 submachine gun, just for its cool looks)

Conan! It would be quite a feat to bring him down with a bow and arrow!

throw larry the cable guy at it.

Have Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog "poop on him" :)

Conan- here are a few ideas.

shoot plastic mannequin heads painted as president Bushes face out of a cannon

go at it with a bat, blindfolded, dressed as a woman (high heels too!)

try to lasso it in while riding a mechanical bull.

any of these would be hilarious to watch!!

Use a fully automatic paint ball gun. that would be epic!!!

GET about 5 or 6 Radio Controlled Helicopters from Sharper Image, and fly them in to deliver a payload of "explosives".

What I would do is this. Have the horny manatee jungle crawl down the stairs once at a good vantage point take aim with sniper rifle of some sort (rubber bullets of course) and blow that S.O.B out of orbit. This will show them, the horny manatee desrves some more airtime. Long live the Horny manatee.

Throw dish plates at him like frisbees. Everyone likes frisbees.

Lower the raccoon and let Larry the Cable Guy try and spin kick the raccoon down......or just have everyone in the audience have a shot....(give whoever does it a prize)....maybe the raccoon!

It's plain and simple. Rocket boots, zipline and Conan. If that doesn't work, how about John Wilkes Booth? You do owe him the pleasure of shooting something after all. No? How about a nice round-house from Walker Texas Ranger. Still not good enough? Well then I guess you're stuck with the damn thing.

USE a PAINTBALL GUNNNN CONANNNN UR MY HOMMMIEEE

paintball gun

loud music could disrupt the jetpack's engine causing it to cease and the raccoon would just drop (albiet sharply) to the ground. DragonForce or Lightning Bolt will do.

Get Tim Tebow, the only person to ever win a fight against Chuck Norris to take that raccoon down!

Get Eli Manning to throw a football at him... he brought the Patriots tumbling to Earth... I'm sure he could do it to the coon too.

Stick Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert in canons and fire them at the raccoon. After all, Conan made them!

Shoot it with Mr. Met's sling shots that they use during baseball games

Hey Conan. A friend of mine, Chris Burton from Calhoun, LA has national champion coon dogs! Let me know if you would like them to appear on your show. I guarantee they can handle your raccoon! I'm SERIOUS!!

Shoot pieces of meat and eggs maybe it will get hungry and fall!!! and if that doesn't work Use a Arnold Schwarzenegger Head for he is the terminator.

you can shoot some type of nuts from the canon or ball up some wonder bread and try shooting it with the cannon.

How about Abe Lincoln zooming down a zip line with a rocket pack?

throw larry the cable guy at it.

You should get a GIANT head of Arnold Schwarzenegger with him mouth open to gobble up the poor defenseless racoon!

you should use the robot that you had on two weeks ago. the one that you ruined the weather with, i can't remember the name of it but it was hilarious and will be just as hilarious when you get that racoon down

release a hawk at it and have it bring it down then bring it back to you so you can further destroy it! damn racoon

2) Use the zip line with all of your fancy accessories.

2) Invite Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning to hit it with some footballs.

Get Conan to shoot his writers out of a cannon at it. Clearly his writers are only good at bringing good things down.

A net made of coonskin hats should take it down.

Use the zip line, rocket boots, and rocket helmet and take him raccoon head on!

even better have you or cheney shoot down a spaced out bush doll

Just chuck firecrackers at him. Make it rain racoon jerky!

throw larry the cable guy at it.

-flame thrower
-mideveil catapult
-another screaming raccoon with a jet pack
-sending a hungry carnivorous cat after the raccoon

Have the masturbating bear paw it down. Bears are a raccoons' only natural enemies.

Have the horny manitee seduce it down

It doesn't appear to be more than 6 or 7 feet off the ground. I would recommend a simple heart punch.

throw razor sharp frisbee's at the racoon!!

Dress up like Robin Hood, or at least Joel, and you (Conan) and Chewbaca (Chewy) use bows and arrows. If that doesn't work, have the Horny Manatee launching potatoes from the air gun with you guys.

Right On Conan!

Curtis from Macomb, Illinois

Lethernecks, Wooo!!

air cannon full of beer

Get Tim Tebow, the only person to ever win a fight against Chuck Norris, to take that squirrel down!

dude fucking PUT cow pies in the gun and shoot that asshole of a racoon out of the sky....he's a bastard...IM CRYING IM CRYING...TWEEK TWEEK

Drop some napalm on it from a remote control helicopter, Vietnam style.

you should invite a team of dodgeball players to play a little friendly game of dodgeball with that infamous racoon. he is surely to lose. muahahahha

you should take a giant super charged toaster and shoot toast at it.

Toasted raccoon - its whats for dinner.

you should use a fully auto paintball gun

get arnold schwarzenegger to come on the show and eat it with his big ass mouth hahaha

shoot arnold schwarzenegger's opened mouthed face (from the nba all star footage shown on the show) to bite or eat the racoon.

GET SOME MEXICAN KIDS TO SMACK IT DOWN LIKE A PINIATA

This looks like a job for pale force or perhaps the masterbating walrus.

Just smack that some-bitch with a big-ass "Snoopy" the 'Peanuts' begal! We all know begals are good coon dogs and they will git that damn thing down!!

Conan, If I were I would elimnate the threat of the raccoon with a jet pack by bringing Sally Fields onto the show and use brooms to knock it out of the sky. Like Forest Gump says..."When racoons try to get on our back porch, Momma just chase 'em off with a broom."

Alternately, Chuck Norris will do. Simply his presence will cause a the raccoon to be de-orbited.

I believe the tennis ball "shooting contraption" didn't seem to work well at all. If you used a potato gun Conan would not only shoot the raccoon out of "orbit," but it would more than likely be the sweetest thing I'd ever see on t.v. and I would only want to see it on Conan O'Brian's Late Night Show!

Shoot The screeching vermin with
coney island nathans hotdogs, from coney island, shot by an early 1900's coney island patron across town (nuke style) and into the late night studio dropping in on that
nasty creature. Or have Arnold Shoot hot dogs out of his gaping
mouth, lunging towards the raccoon.

use a pitching machine. Feed the balls through it to get a more accurate hit.

put out a mouse trap. those nasty racoons will eat anything.

Ok, conan, I like the intial attempt at thwarting impending audience casualty but you're going about it all wrong. If you want to stop the racoon you need to bring in some real power. Hulk Hogan and the new gladiatiors should come in as special guests and use the super-powered tennisball gun from the original gladiator show. That should handle your galactic woodland creature quandry and give the hulkster some much needed pub. Always lookin out for you, NBC, two birds...one tennisball.

with potato gun

invite john mack-hen-row but insist he put a big jew fro and head band on and wack tennis balls off his racket to it, or you invite the gold medalist anvil hammer thrower to throw a huge tube sock (with stripes on it) packed with a whopper with cheese in it it and have him anvil hammer throw it at the racoon and get burger king to sponser it, its win win.

Shoot max at it!

Conan come down from a zip line and front kick the raccoon.Show us what you would do to Colbert If that doesn't work Wack it like a Piñata while blindfolded.

Have a Mascot Raccoon Pinata Party. Have Abe Pagoda, The Masturbating bear, Manatee, the Satan puppy, etc blindfolded with a giant stick taking turns.

Get a remote controlled plane and go kamikaze on it!!!

They the pro planes that people actually dog fight with. If that doesn't know the racoon out...

A model rocket will!!!

SHOOT GARBAGE IT WILL CATCH ITS ATTENTION!!!!

Let the Masturbating Bear to swat at it a few times!!!

Use pop bottle rockets.

I believe the tennis ball "shooting contraption" didn't seem to work well at all. If you used a potato gun Conan would not only shoot the raccoon out of "orbit," but it would more than likely be the sweetest thing I'd ever see on t.v. and I would only want to see it on Conan O'Brian's Late Night Show!

Shine a laser pointer in its eyes.

Have Rosie O'Donnell dance naked under the raccoon throwing off the earths' inertia and altering the Raccoons changing orbit. This will allow the audience and the Raccoon to survive. Although the audience will probably not survive this stunt!

Have the horny manatee seduce it down. Or Hit it with a boat oar!

You should get Roger clemens to throw syringes at it.

beat it like a pinata

Shoot Abe Vigoda at the raccoon

Perhaps Conan could zipline through the audience and into the raccoon, vanquishing its evil spirit from the studio forevermore.

Use a water balloon slingshot or cannon. You can get a one-man slingshot (where you hold it individually) or a 3-person cannon (there's two people that have to hold the straps and another person as the launcher). Pretty neat. Check it out.

Throw potatos at him

shoot it down with a bb gun

Conan : I was watching the show and wondering why the hell you didn't use gun totting Jesus to bring done that raccoon. Use Him and that raccoon is doom..

Ninja Stars with a print out of Arnold schwarzenegger's face on them

lasso it

USE NINJA STARS 2 GET THT FUCKKERRRR DOWNNNNN WOOOOO CONAN IS THE MAN.......
PS I GOTTA FRIEND THT LOOOKS LIKE U I WANNA SEND U A PICTURE OF HIM BUT I DONT NO WHERE 2 SEND IT

Shoot the thing with a strawberry jelly cannon. It would be messy & fun.

Perhaps connan should get a blindfold and a long stick and pretend it's a pinata? Hey, at least it's within your budget for this show.